Presence over Presents

The holidays are full of ‘cheer’. We wrap the presents, sing the carol, bake the cookies. The seasonal movies make us laugh and the gatherings bring us the needed blessing of time together. I love it.  But sometimes all the holly-jolly is a bit too much. I am not bathed in green and putting antlers on my dog, while planning to steal your Christmas tree. Admittedly though, I am tired and sometimes gloomy. You see the Pinterest perfect pictures on social media and cannot help but compare your messy life to their seemingly organized one. I learned a long time ago not to go down that path, but it takes resolve.

This time of year can be hard for other reasons, too. The empty chair at the table or stocking missing from the mantle come to mind. No matter how many years pass, the ache of a Christmas memory creeps in and pricks your heart. Grief ebbs and flows. Heck, at the bottom of one of my Christmas tubs is a small red felt stocking I made for our dog Lily. It has this cute paw print sewn on the front. She’s been gone five years, but I still leave the stocking in the box. Ornaments hold a lot of reminiscent ponderings, as well. Keep them alive by telling the stories.

Then there are the real-life struggles of addiction, abandonment, and depression. Those among us who put on a smile despite their demons. Winter is especially difficult. It’s dark out. It’s cold. It’s harder to get from point A to point B. More alone time can lead to listening to the voices in your head, instead of remembering people care about you. I encourage you to be an ear to hear the emotions of the lost. It can be uncomfortable, but your kindness may be just what they need in that moment.

The catchphrases to make mental health fit into our culture change with each generation, but grief, anxiety and depression are not new.  In 1 Kings, in the Bible, Elijah struggles with anxiousness and feeling alone. He’s tired of fighting. He asks God to take his life. Do you know what God does? He offers him rest, food and conversation. It is so simple. When our minds are not in a good place, nourishing our physical needs can be a step in the right direction. I share this with you not to influence your beliefs, but to illustrate how feeling isolated and discouraged has been with us since time began. The Psalms are full of anguished cries and worn-out folks who just wanted someone to hear them. It is okay to feel that way. And it is even better if you have felt this way and share it with others. You never know what is going on in someone else’s life unless you ask. I know I feel better after a nap, a snack and a quiet conversation with someone willing to hear my struggles.

I am blessed with a big, crazy family. We have a good time during the holiday season. But it is a lot. Give yourself some grace. Do what you can. Check on your friends and neighbors. That doesn’t mean you have to bake them cookies, but a text might be nice. Invite someone over for dinner, you’re already eating anyway, right? They will remember your presence more than your presents.

Your Friend, B